Dear,
Since I remember the bed is one of the most mysterious places where I have been.
It is where I have suffered, cried, groaned with pleasure and even come to touch the
stars. Our bed is special and is not like any bed I have slept on. I don't say it because of
its technological advances, or because it can cool or heat on its own. Nor is it because it
is an orthopedic bed. It is the bed that has seen us grow and improve as a couple. Our
bed has our sweat, tears and corporal fluids. I know its disgusting but in such a short
time we have left our mark on this bed, not only physical but also emotional.
The first time I saw our bed, I was not your girlfriend. I was a stranger to you, a
confused girl, too worried and afraid of you. Yes, the first time I saw our bed was scared
to the point I felt it in the core of my bones. I was afraid of the man in front of me. The
man who had hurt me for months, a man who at that time I believed unable to love me.
The creature that had been sent from hell to punish me for my sins. I was afraid to
succumb to your desires, your skin and your being but to my surprise, your intentions
were different. You just wanted to sleep with me in that expensive bed. The first seconds
in that bed were the longest in my life, I did not want to touch you or feel you by my
side, I tried to hide my fear and sadness but when I am with you it is very difficult to
hide my feelings.
After the seconds were eternal and the silence was uncomfortable for us, you took
me in your arms, you sheltered me in your warm chest. At that moment I understood
that you were not the same, I understood that you were a stranger to me and that you
were afraid of me, the situation and the bed. That I was not the only broken and
miserable person in the room.
I didn't understand why you feel guilt, why you felt that way but today I
understand. It took me a long time to understand why you was a terrible person towards
to me. I don't remember who was the first person to start crying, but we both did it. We
cry for the pain, the rage, the hate, the guilt and for the damn love we felt for each other.
I must admit that I try to hate you and stop loving you. I tried, I tried to replace you
every time you broke my heart. That night I understood that I could never stop loving
you even if I try all my life. I would still love you even if you broke me in a billion pieces.
I know this letter sounds sad and miserable, but it is my letter to you and so were
the events of that first time in our bed, my love.
It took me a little time to feel comfortable and sleep in your arms, but I did. To be
honest I slept like I had never slept in my life. In your arms I felt that I was returned to
home. I felt in complete peace. It was such a peace that I wanted to return to your arms,
every night after the first time I felt more nervous, I felt less pain and hate towards you.
I felt an imaginable desire for you, I wanted to feel you. I wanted to feel your body, your
heart and your soul. Feel you for the first time. Feel your lips on mine, feel your hands
on my hips and feel your penis inside me.
I wanted love from you, T.
You gave yourself to me in that bed. I felt you, I kissed you, I forgive you and I fell
more in love with you. You don't see Love ? After that night, I wanted to be by your
side forever.
After that night, we also forgot why that bed was important. There were occasions that I
felt alone and cold. I felt miserable again in our bed and I tried everything not to return
to our bed. I hated feeling lonely, cold and misunderstood.
We began to argue more, to tell each other horrible things and we stopped being that
couple that loved each other in that special bed. We stopped caring or showing love, and
I let my fear to control me and I left 2 times. You didn’t know how to bring me back to
you, your indifference pushed me to other path. After that time, without seeing each
other, I thought it was all over. I started feeling better and making plans. I started to
concentrate my energy and my time on other people, instead you couldn't let me go so
easily. You came back to me, this time you promised not to let me go, stay in my life
even if I didn't want to.
You accepted my whimsical and my demands without complaints or
inconvenience. You showed me more of you and you allowed me to see the true person
you are. A person who feels and suffers, a man who knows what he wants, a man willing
to fight for what he loves and desires. A man of convictions, principles and above all
with hidden abilities. Yes, you are a mystery to me. You are funny, incredible, intelligent,
bright and arrogant. You can be as cold as winter and warm as heat in a spring morning.
You are also afraid and insecure like me, and your imagination can let your jealousy fly.
After a few days we return to our bed, to that special and broken place. I no
longer remember how the discussion happened but without predicting it you asked me
to be yours. The way you asked me was the most surprising thing, the disappointment,
confusion and anger we felt for each other while we were lying in our bed. You
convinced me to return to your side, with a title, but not royalty. You accepted me as
your partner and you also accepted my way of being. After that 8th of November…
We have had our ups and downs, discussions and solutions. I have rarely gone to
sleep sad or miserable. Every morning I wake up with you by your side, I play with your
hair, kiss your face and your lips. I touch your back and try to count your thousands of
freckles. Sometimes we have made love, sex and war in this bed. We have fought and
shouted at each other. You hugged me while I cried, you brought me back to reality after
saving me from nightmares. We have told secrets and truths. We have played and
experimented with our body, our hearts and our minds.
Although we are upset with each other we always return to that place, our safe
place. This bed is my safe heaven, it is where I always want to have you and it is where I
want to wake up by your side. I don't want to wake up with anyone else by my side, I
want to feel your angry lion snoring in my ear. I want to feel how you squeeze me when
you hold me in your sleep, I want to feel your penis pressed against my butt in the
middle of the night.
Do you have never wondered why I have never slept again in the barracks even
though I can be furious and full of rage because of you. It is because I promised never to
go back to sleep in a bed other than ours, I promised myself to always sleep by your side,
despite everything. To fight for US no matter how horrible things are. I promised to
express myself more, say what I think and feel even if it is good and bad.
Why?
Because I love you, Idiot! And you are worth fighting.
Please understand why I make you to go to bed with me, even for a few seconds.
The reason I wait for you in bed and why I always stay in bed after 0530 in Saturday
morning and my reason to be dedicated it to US.
PS. I’m going back to bed, to sleep by your side or maybe to play with your hair.
With Love,
S.
